Impacts of the family foundation - Respect

In watching a documentary called Human Experience, I was inspired to think more about the importance of the family foundation. The young man was discussing his need to please, to be loved by others and is always worried about how others feel about him. He concluded this need stems from not having parents; that unconditional love (only like your parents can).  Because he didn't have parents to fall back onto, he made his focus to find someone to fulfill this need and his reality is about the need to please. 

I do agree in a lot of ways, this foundation of family is like safety net, its gives strength, hope and courage.  Because no matter what you do in life you have a place to go, someone to rely on.  Your family gives you someone that loves you and will always help you (this is not typical with any family and always true by any means). 

However I think his understanding is a little exclusive, in the sense I think we all have these feelings to be loved and a need to please. I do have parents that the man in the film desires (which I am thankful everyday) but I too find my mind consistently too worried about what others feel about me.  It creates a life from fear and anxiety.  But it is nice to fall into my safety net so I can't totally relate.

We are made up of our nature and how we are nurtured. There are a lot of things in the way we are (behavior, in thought, reaction, action) for reasons we can't really understand why.  The role of our mother and father are critical. Something we all know but its confusing and hard to pinpoint. A way to define this is in Carl Jung's framework called the Anima. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anima_and_animus

We take a lot of things personally and blame ourselves, but in looking at some of the impacts of the roles of your parents, we can start to get answers for the way we are - good and bad. And with answers and removal of blame (from ourselves and our parents), we can move on and find ways to change and live a better way.

There is no need to blame. It might be unfortunate to have certain things with your parents you wish were different. We all do. But our spirit choose this body to learn lessons and grow. If we had it perfect, we would learn what we need to learn.  People do things and act certain ways to the best of their ability. There is no manual for parenting and living - its sucky sometimes the cards we are dealt but harboring any emotions can only prolong the effects on your life. Take the reins of your life by letting go.

There is all kinds of scientific studies and information is out there on this topic. I found a some interesting things I included below. 

Parents roles are not interchangeable (one cant make up totally for the benefit of 2 separate factors in a child's growth).

Children through through constant exploration and learning about limits.
Fathers are more rough and tumble play - set limits and demand respect. They are more challenging, allowing kids to find their own strengths, exploring the world and knowing their impact in the world. This impacts thinking and problem solving skills in the future. Also important for one to learn to take responsibility for ones actions.

Emotional control is important: it raining = can't play outside, crying a bit is ok, then they should learn to move on to boardgames inside

A fathers emotional involvement helps all relationship building for life. We have heard about Daddy Issues - relationships are effected by the interaction and role of males in everyones lives.

Mothers bring unity, love and structure. Fulfill the physical needs of a child, nurturing and the most important person in the childs life and forever.


It good to be aware that everyone has a different family foundation. The way they are is the because of many things we might or might not understand. Respect.